Hey guys, this is Erik I want to talk about my testimony, with how the Holy Spirit has filled my heart more than any other drug high any other addiction and talk about Meth and Perversion.
So I am going to start at the very beginning. This is for people that are still looking for that ideal “high”, you know, you might be an addict, addicted to drugs, drinking, sex or money – anything can lead you down the road of addiction.
It makes your heart less full, actually, it feels like your heart becomes emptier the more you run into your drugs and alcohol, whatever your escape is.
When I was eight years old, I started rocking back and forth on the ground on the floor while watching TV with my parents. The rocking motion soothed me. It made me feel like I could escape reality, that was basically my first addiction.
You could call that autism or Asperger’s or whatever, but it was me wanting to create a fantasy world because I did not feel like I fit into my parents life, their household was very strict.
They watched TV shows I didn’t like, and I was hyperactive so I had to create my own imaginative worlds and rocking back and forth gave me a soothing feeling, but it also made me start to daydream a lot and fantasize.
Around this time, I also started to play with myself. I had to go to bed early so of course, I mean, not every boy does this, but I started to explore myself and rocking.
I started just playing games with myself and creating my own world because my parents did their own thing, I did my own thing, and my sister did her own thing.
We weren’t really a solid family. We were a very regimented family. On the outside, we looked very normal and you know we looked perfect. We had the money and we had a nice house.
My parents were married, you know, they didn’t drink, they didn’t do drugs. They didn’t have huge fights or anything like that, and as kids we were very sheltered.
We lived in a small town, so we didn’t see gangs, we didn’t see violence. I still remember seeing the first drunk person ever when we lived in California when I was five.
A drunk man walked past and I was so disturbed by seeing him I didn’t know what was wrong with him. I asked my dad, What’s wrong with him?” My dad was like, oh he’s drunk. And I just didn’t know what that was.
I thought it was so scary. I thought it was such a shame – and I knew deep down, even as a five year old, that that was wrong and was really bad.
So, around the age of 12, I discovered hard rock music, and my mom actually bought me a drum set for my 12th birthday because I loved tapping on things all the time, like I said I was hyperactive.
So I got lost in music, music became my number one friend. So I had the rocking and the music. Literally, every night after dinner I would find a window in the house, our windows overlooked the bay, the Puget Sound, beautiful water, and I would just look at the water, watch the freighters go by, and listen to my hard rock, Ozzy, Iron Maiden, and Judas Priest.
Little did I know that those lyrics were completely demonic and negative and subliminally programming me. I started failing school. I had fantasies of flying over and killing bullies at school, flying over them like I was a pterodactyl or something.
I started listening to darker, almost satanic music, you know like Slayer’s Reign in Blood by Slayer and Venom and all other, just started getting heavier and darker.
Then 17 years old I discovered alcohol, that’s when I thought it was magical, you know, it affected me differently than other people, probably because it was genetic.
There’s a lot of alcoholism in my parents lineage, even though my parents didn’t drink, because they didn’t want to be like their parents, it skipped a generation, and I got it really bad.
I felt immortal (on alcohol), I felt super high. It made me feel manic. I felt like I was invincible. I started ripping off people’s bicycles. I used to go into yards and just take whatever I wanted, like I was at Walmart, or something, and started getting in trouble with the law.
I got kicked out of my house finally when I was 18. My dad was like I gotta wait till you’re 18 and then you’re out of here. I started to experiment with LSD, and my world was getting crazy. I was starting to hallucinate at night on LSD and see magical worlds.
I didn’t feel like I fit in with the world at all, and I started to isolate myself more and more. I didn’t want to hang out with people.
Then I met this woman, when I was 20, and she was twice my age, she basically invited me to live with her, and she was bitter. I learned from her how to make fun of people.
I got very cynical, bitter and angry, and it got to the point where I attacked her one night when I was blacked out. I believed that demons came in when I was drunk because I remember this faintly having different thoughts than I have ever had before.
I remember it was like Dr Jekyll Mr. Hyde. I attacked her, and then I started to cry. Then all of a sudden something switched inside of me and I started to laugh, and then I attacked her again. Then I cried.
So there is this war between me and the demons, and those thoughts that I had were at that time, when the demon took over, was I could easily take her life – and I got excited.
I felt like I was immortal. I was dark. I felt mighty, I felt satanic, I felt like I could take her life and I got excited from the thought.
Then Erik came back in and I started to cry. I was like, I am so sorry I can’t believe I did that to you.
So I knew right then and there that alcohol was definitely a portal to a very dark world, very dark underworld.
I started to get drunk every night, passed out and blacked out. Every morning I’d wake up and someone would tell me what I did, I never remembered what I did.
I know that when you’re not in reality (high on drugs or alcohol) that you can get those demons inside of you, especially when you’re blacked out.
I was basically trying to find a high, I was trying to fill my heart, there was an emptiness inside of me, and that’s why I really loved alcohol because it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside and I could socialize.
Without alcohol, I couldn’t socialize. I felt awkward. I felt weird around people. I just wanted to be alone and listen to my music. But I secretly craved wanting to hang out with people.
I really was very hurt by people, and so I wanted to seek revenge on people. But on the other side of that, I really missed being with people. I missed having friends, but it was easier to isolate.
In fact, today, even though I have God, it’s still hard for me to leave the house but I am learning more and more by the Holy Spirit, that I can face any fears now.
So back to the story, I just got in one relationship after another, and each one ended in bad breakups. I started experimenting with bisexuality, I started experimenting with perversion, I was watching porn, I was playing with myself, I was almost cross dressing. But I was doing this behind closed doors.
Then, my neighbor introduced me to meth, and let me tell you, that is the most demonic drug on this planet. Besides, you know fentanyl and heroin, those are horrible drugs as well.
But meth has a satanic alchemy to it. You know it’s man created, and it’s just a formula that Satan loves because it opened up all of the demons: the demon of perversion, the demon of lust.
I would spend all night playing with myself and being paranoid I would look out the windows. Then I would play with myself some more, then look out the window.
It got darker and darker, and it got more perverted, even the smells were starting to change that emitted from my body when I was playing with myself on meth.
It was this burnt chemical smell, and I could feel my soul leaving. I could feel the demons almost like dancing around my room, they were so happy that I was playing that way.
Guys, it gets sicker and sicker and sicker. There’s nothing that can fill your heart and meth is the biggest lie. It goes beyond any human boundary. It really is the devil’s playground.
And so, I finally got sober. Luckily, there wasn’t enough meth in town, I couldn’t find it, because I have a very addictive personality, because I want to fill my heart with something, with love, because it feels empty – and, that’s why I’m so addicted to things.
I finally got sober from everything, except I still watched porn and stuff, but I wasn’t drinking, couldn’t find meth, and I was just done with all of it.
So, a couple years into sobriety I had a panic attack around my parents, because I think my deep repressed feelings were coming out. I had a lot of feelings against my dad. But I loved him very much, but I had a panic attack so that created a panic disorder.
I got more scared to hang out with people. I was scared to leave the house. So I started to seek help, started reading about social anxiety, stuff like that.
But basically, I still felt empty inside, even though I was sober. I eventually stopped porn and tried to become a really good person.
And one night, I was listening to hard rock, but this time it was Christian hard rock, and it was a song by Brian Head Welch, called L.O.V.E and it was basically him singing like Jesus.
I heard a lyric in the song that said, “stop your running come home to me. Come back to me.”
And I instantly felt the Holy Spirit. I never felt it before, but it entered me, it entered my heart. It filled my whole body with this warm love that I have been looking for my whole life.
I started to bawl, I was crying so hard and I couldn’t stop, and it was a relief. It was like God was hugging me, Jesus was holding me, he was the ultimate father, the King of kings. He’s higher than our dads.
It felt like my dad holding me times 1000. It’s the Greatest Love you’ll ever feel, and the highest high you’ll ever feel – no drug can replace it. So, I repented.
It was a happy joyful cry but at the same time I was repenting for all the stupid stuff I had done, and it was cleansing. It felt so good after I cried that I wanted more of Jesus. That was it.
That was it, he was number one. No drug could replace that love. And it’s my mission now to share my stories, my testimonials. You can watch the other ones on this channel, they’re a variation of this story because I can’t stop talking about my story because I want to help others.
So guys, if you’re running with drugs. If you’re cheating if you are addicted to sex, meth, whatever it is. Just stop to stop for one moment, set it down and ask God, ask Jesus back into your life.
And if you’ve never had Jesus, ask him to come into your life, say:
“Jesus, please make yourself known to me. I am ready. I know that you died on the cross for my sins. I want you in my life. Please, Jesus come into my life. I know you died on the cross for all my sins. Fill my heart with Your love please Jesus.”
I am spreading the seed of Jesus, because that’s all that really matters on this earth. You might not believe that hell is real but it is. Heaven is real, hell is real.
Even though it sounds fictional and it sounds hokey, almost or too simple, or whatever it is, it’s real, I mean, if you want, check out precious testimonies it’s a channel on YouTube. There’s hundreds of testimonials.
If you watch enough of them, you will see similarities, and Jesus will come into your life more and more. His love is progressive. You know, but it can be fast. God’s love can happen very quickly, you can change overnight if you want, and you can stop drugs instantly. So if you want that just pray to Jesus, and thanks for coming here. God Bless you all.
