When I was 2 years old, I started rocking back and forth on a rocking horse, and later on I just rocked on the floor as I watched TV with my parents. I don’t remember why I started, except possibly to daydream more and feel free, or to feel safer.
My dad was strict and I think I wanted to escape my reality as much as possible. I was a creative and imaginative boy and created games and shows to keep myself entertained.
My parents never questioned my rocking, and I don’t think they knew about Autism or Asperger’s (this was back in the 70’s).
When I was 12, I discovered hard rock music and was blown away by the power and energy of the music. It added nicely to my rocking and I could escape more into a fantasy world, where I would “get the bullies back” in school by my dark imagination fueled by rock music.
I rocked and listened to music after dinner up until bedtime and I wanted to be a rock drummer. My grades suffered which enraged my dad. My sister, who was four years older, was a grade A student. I just wanted to play music.
When I was 17, I discovered a magic potion called Alcohol. It was a love-at-first-drink scenario and it affected me like a powerful speed. I later would stay up all night in alcohol-induced manic episodes, and wanted to talk to everyone. I guess alcohol lifted my anxiety and suppression of my father to the point where I felt truly alive and free.
In the same year, I dropped out of high school and my dad was furious but really couldn’t make me do homework. He threatened to kick me out right when I turned 18.
From 18 to 20 I slept on friend’s floors and bought a Volkswagen van and lived around the streets of my hometown. I parked between houses so no one would know what house I was visiting and wouldn’t kick me out.
So, by now I was drinking coffee and alcohol, smoking cigarettes, listening to Metal, and rocking. It was a perfect concoction to escape reality and numb out.
Alcohol basically took away my dreams of becoming a rock n roll drummer, and I settled working in the kitchens of restaurants. Most of the cooks drank heavily and it was a wild time.
I was now drinking every night and I was either hungover at a job or getting wasted after work. I started to drink in the morning to escape the hangover. I had a heart-attack when I was 32 that left doctors mystified why I had one so young. I knew it was alcohol-related.
When I was 35 I got into the caregiving profession and I was able to drink with the man I cared for. It nearly got me fired several times, and by now I was skipping meals to avoid “ruining my alcohol buzz” which led me on a downward spiral quickly.
By now, I was rocking 10 to 14 hours a day and drinking the entire time. Friends warned me I would die within the year. Music and alcohol were my only friends. The only people I enjoyed being around were people who were basically drunks and could drink like me.
When I was 36, I finally had enough, after 100’s of relapses, and said good-bye to alcohol. I was physically and mentally broken and almost died from withdrawals.
After two weeks, I had enough strength to work two jobs and get my life back on track, but I still hadn’t done any spiritual work to figure out why I was running from myself through coping mechanisms, aka addictions.
The last few years, I have been quitting all the addictions and coping mechanisms to unravel the true Erik that I haven’t connected to truly since I was 2 years old.
The last 40 year addictions have been rocking and music. This blog is to share my journey with others and hopefully inspire you to change your life as well.
Beyond Addiction
After I quit all my addictions, I still felt empty inside. I didn’t and couldn’t rejoin society as I had wanted to. All the old pleasures of eating prime rib, drinking coffee, and taking a hot bath didn’t satisfy me anymore.
I remembered that everytime I did a water fast, I felt closer to God and felt more alive; and, everytime I went back and ate food I felt like an anchor wrapped itself around my legs and pulled me down.
I then realized that it wasn’t the addictions holding me down, but a 3-dimensional life itself. I call it the Matrix, just like the movie. There’s a narrative being pushed that we have listened to all our lives, and I was starting to see serious cracks in that story that my family and I easily accepted at one time.
My sister and I grew up watching TV. We also listened to the same music everyone else in our age group did. Last decade, more and more people have created their own brands with all the platforms available. Some influencers were speaking their minds without being blocked.
A lot of myths have been debunked lately, and one of the most profound myths debunked is that you will die “within two weeks if you don’t eat, and die within 3 days if you don’t drink water.”
I then learned about Breatharianism, where you literally live off of “prana”, which is a life force all around us – it’s also called Holy Spirit or Angel of Air in some circles.
So, instead of just water fasting, I did a dry fast – with no water or food. I lasted 52 hours with no water, but it was very hard on my body. So, I knew I needed to think about Prana next time I dry fast and it would be a lot easier.
Beyond Business
Last seven years, I have struggled to create the American Dream for myself. I worried about money all the time, and no matter what I did with my credit cards, my credit score kept falling.
I had some success in network and affiliate marketing, but I am now devoted to helping others feel alive again and create more wealth than ever before. This is a higher purpose than just making a quick buck or even long-term wealth, both of which can become addictions if left unchecked.
It is not just another MLM or affiliate program. It is breaking free from the matrix and helping others do the same.
In the coming months, I am committed to fasting continuously to receive insights I can then share with the readers here on AddictionFreed.com.
I have also walked away from my other online businesses to concentrate on my ascension. I have also started to cut up my credit cards and live a minimalist lifestyle.
This blog will be my channel to communicate with you on any downloads I have received from a reputable source.
Here are the Best Resource for Anxiety and Addiction.