How to Overcome Narcissistic Bullies as an Autistic Adult

Overcome Narcissistic Bullies

I’m a 49 year old adult who was self diagnosed with autism a couple years ago, and last night I had a dream of a childhood friend who is a narcissistic, manipulative bully, and I still have one to two dreams a month about him. 

How to Overcome Narcissistic Bullies as an Autistic Adult

He tormented me because people with autism usually believe everything that they hear and as a child. 

I was very gullible, and I had friends who liked to tease me and lead me on with false stories and they loved getting a rise out of me because I believed them. Then they tell me later that they’re only kidding. 

He was such a bad child that his own mom kicked him out when he was 15. And they put him in a small house of his own. They did a court order where he became an adult or whatever that’s called. So they could do that legally. 

Overcoming Narcissistic Bullies

But the point is, I’m 49. I haven’t seen him for 10 years and I’m still reliving these dreams where I actually seek revenge and beat him up ferociously. 

It’s kind of like Vietnam vets. You know, they have flashbacks, they have nightmares years after the war – and I’m still replaying these things. 

But the point is, I’m kind of healing I believe, because these dreams even though they’re violent, and I’m getting him back, I needed to express that anger and it has to play itself out. 

Another story is that right now I’m living with my girlfriend and her sister, and her sister has a beagle and he doesn’t bark, but when he dreams when he’s asleep, you can hear him over on the couch barking. 

He doesn’t feel like he can bark when he’s awake. You know, because he’ll get scolded. He’ll get in trouble. But in his dreams, he’s allowed to bark. 

It’s the same thing with these dreams. I’m allowed to express my anger. I beat him up really badly (my ex-friend in my dreams). 

And when I wake up I feel very exhausted. I feel like you know, there’s no point in fighting fire with fire. There’s no point fighting violence with violence. 

Forgiving the Bullies

But my subconscious has to play it out, to actually heal. But I think after the anger what we should do for processing stuff like this is that we should actually forgive not only us for being gullible, but actually forgive the predator.  

Because it says in the Bible, that we should forgive our enemies, we should literally love our enemies. The ultimate goal is to literally love our enemies and give them compassion and forgiveness because we’re forgiven by Jesus. 

I have to remember that I was saved, that I was forgiven. That everything I did in my past doesn’t really matter. It’s been washed clean. 

But subconsciously, I still have to play it out. I still have to go through these dreams, and when I wake up to not dwell on it, or get angry again – just take a deep breath and know that that part of life is over and you can let it go. 

Once you forgive and let go, you’re releasing yourself from the chains of that memory of that person. When you forgive someone you’re actually letting yourself go from imprisonment, from condemnation, from regret, from bitterness, from unforgiveness, you’re letting yourself go.

So I have to go through this myself and it does irritate me that I have a dream once or twice a month about this guy. I mean, most of the stuff he did to me was 20 years ago, but I have to play it out. 

You have to play it out to whatever is bothering you. Bring up the old childhood memories, think about them. If you want, you know, if you have to journal and if you’re having dreams about it, it’s your subconscious playing it out. 

But eventually you’re going to want to let it go, and the best way to let that stuff go is to forgive yourself and then ultimately forgive them.

So I hope this helps leave a comment if you have any narcissistic friends that you still think you know dealing with a narcissist. Are you trying to get away from them? 

That’s the other thing, I could never get away from him. I lived in a small town. I lived in a converted school bus in my 20s and I was a drunk. I was already beating myself down with alcohol. 

And he would come over uninvited and just come in some days. If my door was not locked, he would just walk right in. Because that’s how he was. And I couldn’t beat him up because I knew he was a scrapper. I knew he’d been in lots of fights. I wasn’t a fighter. 

So I just let him walk all over me. Finally, I moved out of that town. It will be nine years in March. But I still have these dreams and I still have to go through the process. But at the end of the day, after I forgive, let go, then I can move on. And it’s a process. You can’t rush the process. So I love you guys. We’ll talk to you soon. Please subscribe and leave a comment.

Here’s more Resources for Autism Addictions

Sincerely,

Erik Johnson

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