Hey guys, today we’re gonna talk about me growing up with a narcissist and how he affected my whole life – even after I stopped being friends with him for over a decade.
Growing Up with a Narcissist
So, the reason why I’m doing this video/article is because narcissism is very insidious and once you are friends, or come into contact with someone who has narcissism, they’re manipulative and it can really destroy your life without you even realizing it, so that’s why I’m doing this.
I want to just bring awareness to narcissism and how it can just get into your life, and it’s incredibly hard to get away from so we’ll provide some tips at the end of this article/video so stay till the very end.
So I grew up with a guy, and I met him when I was 14. He was a year younger, and he was probably the first bad kid that I met in school.
He was a lot shorter than me. He was agile. He was fast, and he was very smart, there was something about him, he had a lot of charisma, and he just seemed like a very well spoken individual.
He was a Cancer and very articulate with a high IQ, but he had horrible senses, he could barely see and he could barely hear because he had polio when he was a little child.
So he snuck out of his house every night. He was very deviant. He had no concern about rules. His parents gave him rules which he could care less about his parents.
He was really mean to his mom, and he spoke to her like he was a little adult. There’s one night that she was drinking wine, and he was like, Mom, why are you such a bitch when you’re drunk?
And this is coming from a 15 year old, and I’m just like, what the, you know, I’ve never heard anyone talk to their parents like that, and he had a stepdad who he couldn’t stand.
I think what happened at a very young age is that he really loved his mom, they were very close, but she got a divorce, and he was very sensitive, I believe, and when she got a divorce and met this new guy who became a stepdad. I think he never forgave her for that.
I think he had Oedipus Rex syndrome, where he loved his mom so much but hated the dad. I think he loved his real dad, but he moved away.
So he pranked everyone, and he got into a lot of fights, so he learned how to fight when he was really young, and it seemed like he was always getting beat up, but he had a tremendous pain threshold.
He didn’t really show a lot of emotion. I remember pinching his arm one time, as hard as I could and he didn’t even flinch. So he had some kind of pain threshold that was unbelievable. He could fall off of his dirt bike and get right back up on it, and win the race.
It got to the point where he was so bad that his parents kicked him out when he was 16, and they had a little rental house so they just moved in there. So he had his own house when he was 16, and he did whatever he wanted.
He stayed up all night reading comic books and playing pranks on people. Then eventually he started hopping trains. I didn’t see him for months at a time, and he’d come back with these tremendous stories of his adventures.
But I couldn’t get rid of them. I knew I was different. I knew I was in a different social class than he was. But I had low self esteem as well so there was something that always made me come back to him.
He still had moments of being a really nice guy, and he had a lot of charisma and when you’re with him he made me feel special, at least in the early years.
Later on in life, all of his friends were always looking for that time when he was really a nice guy and treated us like we were really special, but in later life, he was less and less nice, and I’ll get to that in a minute.
He also manipulated all of his girlfriends, and he had to have the most beautiful girl in town, and they’re always blonde or light brunette and their arm candy, and he got to the point where he could manipulate them, and they would do these things for him that were just ridiculous.
I mean, he just got to the point where he would order them to do things and they would do it, and I didn’t know how he did that to them.
I knew that I was manipulated by him, and he was always playing pranks on me, because I was gullible, I have Asperger’s, and so I took everything literally.
So he lied to me and I would believe him – that was pretty much our dynamic growing up is that he would lie to me with these elaborate lies, because he was so well read that he was really good at these elaborate lies.
He never broke a smile or anything. You could never tell when he was lying. He had no feelings, basically.
So he could just create anything he wanted and he would just hold a poker face the whole time. He manipulated his girlfriends and they would always cry, but then they would do what he’d say, and all of his girlfriends lasted, you know over seven years, which was phenomenal.
But when they broke up it was to the point where it was such a bad breakup that he just had to let them go because it was so bad. But they went through hell before finally getting out of his life.
He did manage to have two kids, but he got a divorce, and would only visit his kids on the weekends. At one point, he said that he doesn’t lose. He says I don’t lose.
But looking at his life, you know, he only has his kids on the weekends, so I kind of think he did lose with that battle for his children, because he only got to see them twice a week.
He constantly lied to me and pranked me, and I got to the point where I was drinking a lot. We used to drink together, and we both worked in the restaurant business.
In fact, one time, he was training me at a new job, and I had a heart attack at work. We drank tequila the night before, it was Cinco de Mayo, so when I started the job and said that I didn’t feel good and started to turn white, and beads of sweat were rolling down my face, he thought I was just trying to get out of the job.
He was like dude, don’t be a dick. I don’t want to be here either. But I did have a heart attack and I was airlifted to the state hospital, so he had to work that day by himself anyways. So he did things that were kind of funny, but it was usually at someone’s expense.
So I started to drink heavy, and he would do things to trip me out. Like putting beer bottles on my roof, and then saying that I did it – and I was like, there’s no way I would want to throw beer bottles on my roof.
There was another time that my emergency lights were flashing on my car overnight and he said that I did it in my blacked out drunkenness.
There was another time where he smeared toothpaste all over my lips when I was drunk and passed out and then he took pictures of it, and showed all his friends, and then said that I did it because I was so wasted. There’s no way I did that.
So these pranks were getting more elaborate and more sneaky and I just couldn’t pin it on him. There was no proof that he did it, and he was a flat out liar, so he would just say no I didn’t do it. You did it.
And if anyone ever threatened him, he got violently aggressive if anyone looked at his girlfriend, the wrong way or spoke to her in the wrong way, he would say he was going to kill them.
He would confront these people because he got good at fighting, even though he was only like five eight and 180 pounds. He got good at fighting, but he got beat up more than he won. In fact, one year he got three black eyes in one year.
So his game was starting to crumble around him, and the last year that I hung out with him he was very angry and he was addicted to Klonopin, and he was trying to get off of it.
He was very upset that his wife at the time was trying to move out, trying to get away from him, and his mom wasn’t speaking to him anymore.
I was also moving out of that town so he was upset that I was leaving as well. We weren’t friends anymore but he would still come around, because his friends were dwindling.
There was one time when I was drinking, and I was with a girl that was drinking as well, and it was a very rocky relationship, and my friend came over with his girlfriend and I made the mistake of making a pass at his girlfriend while I was drinking.
He was like “dude.” He saw me put my hand on her back, while we were sitting on the couch, and he was like dude I’ll sock you right now in the face.
I got upset and I left. But what he did was far worse, because after I left, he got my girlfriend at the time, to basically do sexual things with his girlfriend. So he is very kinky, and he liked getting me back.
I realized that he got my girlfriend at the time to do stuff with his girlfriend and he watched. So that really irritated me, because I didn’t trust my girlfriend at that time – after that especially, and it made me really upset with him so I didn’t talk to him anymore.
But he would still come over and be like, Hey, what’s up. So eventually I finally got to leave that town and we don’t talk anymore. That was about nine years ago, eight years ago.
And I still have dreams about him, because that’s how insidious he got into my brain, and that’s why it was incredibly hard for his girlfriends to leave him, because he would be charming one minute then he would be a jerk for the next day.
Everyone hoped that he would just be nice, because we’re hoping for that one little glimmer of his charm, like he had in his 20s. But in his 40s, he was just more of a jerk than nice, and he was very upset because his plans were foiling against him. That’s narcissism.
In fact, one time a girl at a party looked him straight in the eyes and said, You are a manipulator – and girls couldn’t get away from him, and guys thought he was crazy, you know, with his wild adventures and his stories.
But towards the end, I don’t think he had a lot of friends, and he was very upset and that’s where I left him, but I still have dreams about him because he was part of my life, even though I didn’t want him in my life, he was just there. It was a small town, and I couldn’t get away from them. So that’s it guys.
Do you have a narcissist in your life? Can you relate to this, leave a comment under this, and we’ll talk to you soon.
Erik C Johnson