Hey guys, I want to talk about my story about sinning and being in hell. And what I have been doing lately, and want to talk about my friend.
He has been a Christian since he was 18. Growing up with him, he was a very wild kid, and finally his parents had enough of them and put him in a Christian school.
So, I didn’t see him for a couple years and then he came back from the Marines, and had a great born again experience at boot camp where he wrote Jesus a letter, pleading to have Jesus take away all his aches and pains because military boot camp is really hard, especially the Marines.
He was about broken, and about to quit, when he wrote a letter to Jesus and the Holy Spirit healed him right there. So he continued on and graduated and became a Marine.
But, we drifted apart and I took to a life of drugs and, you know, living on friend’s floors and he went on to do some great things in the Marines and then he became a nurse, and started to help a lot of people around the world on the Mercy Ships.
We finally became friends again later in life. It was just a short little time together, then we parted ways again because we didn’t really have any similarities anymore. We had grown up and he started a family, and we lived in different states.
But, when I got sober eventually, I isolated myself, and I haven’t seen any of my old friends from high school and I don’t really want to, but Todd is the Christian who was always super nice to me even when I was drinking.
He was very patient. There was one time I even punched him in the throat, and he just held my arms and he was like Erik No don’t do it, you know, instead of kicking my butt. He was way bigger than me. He could have easily just trampled all over me.
But since he was a Christian, he had patience and understanding and he just, he was like, stop it, don’t hit me again. I was battling with a lot of demons.
So, I finally got my act together, but recently I have been backsliding, and I have been doing this – the last six months have been incredibly hard, and I’m going back and forth.
I am basically on the fence, so to speak, on one hand I am doing really well. I am eating well, I’m praying, I’m reading my Bible and I want to do good. I do these articles to help other Christians.
Then, on the other hand, I’m watching porn, I’m masturbating, and you know I’m having these really bad thoughts and I’m struggling with demons.
So I’m really back and forth right now and I’m having a hard time. The last couple days have been really dark. I’ve been very irritated with my fiance. I’ve had really dark thoughts, and at night I’m sneaking around masturbating and it’s just not cool, and I feel very distant from God.
But, last night I had a dream that I saw Todd, and this is back in our hometown, a very small town in Washington State. I went over to his house, which was actually where he grew up with his parents. His parents are long gone, but he was there, and I had a camera.
So, I was so excited to see him. I wanted to document him doing his daily activities, it was kind of strange, I was like let me film you. I really want to film you because I might not see you again.
There was this desperation in my voice, and I missed him so much, because, in true life I’ve isolated myself from everyone since I got sober over 13 years ago.
I got rid of all my old friends, and I’ve done that over my life, getting rid of old friends and not seeing them again but then missing them and missing people in general, since this lockdown and everything.
So last night in this dream I was like, Please Todd let me just film you, and he was like alright cool, he’s like now I’m unpacking in my boxes, and we are up in his attic. I was like okay let me film it, and then he started doing something else and I was like okay let me film it.
I filmed him doing like three different things and I was like okay I think I got it. I’m so worried that I won’t see you again.
Then I woke up from the dream, and I was scared, and I was crying. I was like, Oh no, what if that was a sign that he actually did die in real life. Maybe he got the virus. Maybe he actually died because it attacks obese people and I know that Todd really likes his treats, and he’s gotten overweight over the last few years.
I was like maybe he died in real life, and then as I got this insight from God. Maybe not from God but I got this insight, and I was like, Oh my gosh, maybe I went to hell and he’s in heaven.
Because I’ve heard from other people, who realized in their prophecy, dreams or whatever, that when they go to hell they can see the world from hell. They can see their family living on without them. They can see their friends laughing and having love in this life, from hell.
So basically there’s like this hole from hell and you can see your family getting on with their life, and so it dawned on me, If I’m sinning, I could possibly be going to hell.
At this point in my life, I’m making decisions and am backsliding, because God doesn’t like lukewarm Christians, he will spit them out. It’s in the Bible.
So if I’m backsliding and I’m lukewarm, and I’m turning my back against God by doing these things, maybe I am in hell.
And the reason why I’m so scared, and so sad seeing my friend go away, is because I was actually in hell, and he was moving on with his life as a Christian.
So it was a very intense dream, and usually God works in our dreams, and that was a wake up call. So this morning I took a shower, I cleaned myself up, and I realized that I need to just stay away from sin, at all costs, especially right now because it could be the end times.
I watched a sermon the other day that said we should always be ready for the last days because God’s going to come. Jesus is going to come back, and when he does, if you’re like, Oh, I’m not ready yet, let me go shower and stop sinning, it could be too late, because he’s going to come back, super quick, like a thief in the night, and if you’re not ready then you could go to hell.
So, the message today is stay ready for the end days, stop your sinning, and repent, because God will always accept your repentance, and he will always accept you back; if you’re ready, if you are sincere, if it is in your heart that you want to repent. God will always accept you 1000 times he will accept you, but you have to really mean it, and you have to really be genuine in your repentance.
So the last thing that I want to talk about is you have to forgive others, because if we don’t forgive others, how can we expect Jesus to forgive us? It goes both ways. And if you’re criticizing others but then you’re like, oh God forgive me, you’re being a hypocrite because you won’t forgive others or yourself, but you want God to forgive you.
So you really have to work on forgiveness, you have to work on forgiving your biggest enemies, and you have to forgive yourself for hurting yourself and others.
Because here’s the thing: Satan’s number one weapon is guilt. So if you live in guilt and shame and unforgiveness, God is going to judge you, how you judge others.
So if you’re hyper critical of others and yourself then guess what when you go to heaven, if you make it there, God’s gonna be very hyper critical of you on judgment day. He’s going to look at every little thing you’ve done.
Okay, but if you forgive, and you repent and you pick up your cross and start following Jesus again, he will gladly accept that. He wants you to thrive. He wants you to succeed. He doesn’t want you living in guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, all of those are demonic.
Our natural state is love – and if you’re watching news and you’re angry and you’re pissed off and you’re upset that other people aren’t doing what you want them to do, it’s going to eat you alive. You’re going to die from stress, but you’re also going to be condemned. It doesn’t just stop because you die.
So I want to wipe the slate clean. I want to do this video/article because I believe that I’m not perfect. It’s been very humbling for me to go back and forth, and it’s insanity that I still sin today, after everything I’ve gone through.
I’m still an addict, I’m still an ex alcoholic. I have a very addictive personality and I have to work on myself and go deep down in myself. It’s okay to feel bad. It’s okay to have these feelings come up, because we’ve been running from our feelings since childhood.
You know, I was picked on and had a very low self esteem and my dad picked on me and I had very low self worth. I’m 48 today. Not today. It’s not my birthday but I’m 48, and I’m still dealing with stuff from my childhood.
But it’s okay to have those feelings come up, because once you feel those feelings and stop running from them, then you can start to become a whole person again, you have to integrate those bad feelings back into your life.
Okay, do Shadow Work, do inner child work, you can look into hypnosis, you can get an online therapist. You can talk to a pastor, you know, whatever you need to do.
But today’s the day. No more backsliding, and I’m telling myself that too. I’m not just pointing the finger at you guys I’m saying that to myself. No more sinning, it’s not worth it. It’s a lie.
I never felt good after I sinned. But before I sin, Satan makes it look really good. It’s like a really good commercial on TV, you’re like oh that looks so good. Those Doritos look so good. But after you eat them, or the pizza or fast food or whatever, then you’re like, man I don’t feel good. Now I have to take all these supplements.
I stopped watching TV for a couple years and recently I’ve been watching a lot of TV, and there’s only two types of commercials on TV, it seems like it’s fast food, or it’s pills. I mean, check it out, write down the commercials, and look how common those two things are.
The third type of commercial is insurance or life insurance, car insurance. So it’s insurance companies, fast food, and then Big Pharma. And yeah, they want you to be sick, they want you to be on pills, they want you to depend on them.
And you can easily wipe away all of that stuff if you start fasting, and that is what I am trying to do, you know, I have never been this heavy in my life. I have this huge gut on me with like little pock marks in it, you know, how fat looks with the little mini craters on the side of your stomach, it’s gross and I’ve never felt that way.
Then again, it is humbling me because I used to judge heavy people. When I was in my 20s I judged, I could not stand heavy people. Now I am heavy. I used to hate people that owned RVs, well I want an RV today.
So all of this is coming back on me, because I’m supposed to learn the lessons and be humbled, and not judge anyone. Because I’m becoming the people I used to judge. It is all a big life lesson. So, I am glad you are here, and thanks for watching guys, hit that subscribe button, and we will see you soon.
