Can’t Hold a Job with Autism

Can’t Hold a Job with Autism

I’m going to talk about my work history, and what I’m doing now, and why I can’t hold a job with autism. 

So, when I was 16, I started washing dishes in a restaurant, and I had no clue how employment worked, and I remember calling in sick several times and finally I called in again a fourth time and said, you know, and I’m not gonna make it. 

They’re like, don’t bother. just don’t come in, and that was a total shock. I was just not in reality, had no idea how employment worked, and they just said, you don’t have to show up. And so that was really a shock. 

When I was 18, my dad kicked me out. I was on my own. I didn’t finish high school because I wanted to be a rock and roll drummer. I had big dreams, and that’s the thing is I always had big dreams, and my dad was always like, you know, that’s not realistic and my teachers were like, you know that’s not realistic and my friends were like that’s not realistic. 

But, I really wanted to be a rock and roll drummer, and instead I fell in love with alcohol and started drinking and working in restaurants. I did that for many many years. I always had big dreams. I always felt like something was gonna happen. But it never did. And I just flipped burgers for a living, making like $11 an hour, and alcohol almost killed me. 

I was starting to drink at work. I was either drunk or I was hungover, and that was my life for about a decade. It got really bad until alcohol just turned against me. I almost died from it. My dreams of being a rock and roll drummer slipped away. My dreams of being a writer slipped away. 

I wanted to be a poet and then I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be kind of like a drunk writer, like Jack Kerouac or Charles Bukowski. I really looked up to the Beat Generation writers, and a lot of them used drugs and they drank and they hopped trains and hitchhiked across America and I did some hitchhiking myself and hopped the train one time, but nothing really. 

You know, nothing really got concrete until 2014, when I started blogging. That was a great way to journal, because I was writing poetry when I was 17. In fact, my first girlfriend who is twice my age, really liked my poetry and she asked me to move in with her. 

That was when I was 20, so I was kind of a poet, but I was broke. I was always broke and making $11 an hour in the restaurant business. and I had big dreams. 

Can’t Hold a Job with Autism

So I started a blog in 2014, and it just started to grow. The more I wrote on it, the more it grew, and so when I started, I discovered network marketing, 2014, and it’s kind of funny because it’s a very extroverted profession, you have to talk to people and recruit people into your business. 

But someone told me about attraction marketing, and what that means is that you attract people with your content. So if you write enough articles, maybe some will show up on the first page of Google when someone types in your product. 

So for instance, in 2018, before the masses knew about CBD oil, I wrote a lot of articles about CBD oil because our network marketing company had it. And I had maybe three articles show up on the first page of Google, and all of a sudden people were ready to buy CBD, the search on Google and they found my articles, and they just bought. 

And so that was great 2018, you know I was making good money, and I was staying home and self isolating and not really getting around people. It was great, if you’re an introvert. But it wasn’t healthy. 

I’ve been greedy since I was 12 years old. I was always trying to come up with these get rich quick schemes and selling rocks to my neighbors, trying to make money. 

Even my grandmother called me greedy when we went to the casino in Reno, and she gave me a mom gave me a roll of dimes and she just saw my face light up when I got the money. I was just like, I loved money, and I could never get it. 

I finally got a little money in 2018. I was one of the top recruiters in the company. I never even talked to anyone and they all just signed up because they read my articles on my blog. 

But it started getting to my head because I was insecure. You don’t really know someone’s true character until they make a lot of money, or they get a lot of power. 

For instance, I had a boss in the restaurant industry and she was really mean. It was a very successful restaurant and she couldn’t handle the money, or the power, and she thought she was hot stuff and she was an alcoholic. And she was very nasty. 

So there’s people that can handle money gracefully and then there’s people that can’t handle it because deep down, they’re insecure and they have self worth issues. I fell into the latter group, I could not handle money. I started getting snippy with my downline in my organization. I got short with customers that ordered products that had wanted to return or they had questions about the product. 

I just wanted to rock back and forth and listen to music. I just want to be left alone. So I got money, and it was passive income, so it was coming in every single month. 

But it started to dwindle, not only because CBD was everywhere, it was also a saturated market, but I think my attitude, I kind of deflected success, like I pushed it away. 

So, I got to a crossroads, you know, I’ve been working from home for six years now, and I really can’t see working at a job again, but money is really tight. 

I was just talking to my fiance about this an hour ago. We have to do what we love. We can’t do something just for money, or for clicks or for views because when I do something for just money people see right through it. They can feel the greed, they can feel that it’s not genuine. 

So that’s why I started this channel because I have Asperger’s, and I rocked back and forth or I just quit, that’s why this channel was launched when I stopped rocking back and forth. I did that 14 hours a day, because I worked from home. 

I wanted my life back so I’m at the point where I do this because I love it and I truly want to help at least one person either stop rocking or stop their addictions, or find God. 

I just want to give back, because people with Asperger’s tend to be very self centered, almost narcissistic because they’re in fight or flight. They didn’t develop all the way as children, and they became introverted and isolated. 

When you’re isolated for so long. you just think about yourself and your surroundings, and you don’t really know how to play well with others. At least that was for me, I mean I always had one best friend but I was never good in groups. I didn’t know how to play. I was very shy. My mom said I hardly spoke in school. 

So, right now at this point, it’s not really about the money. But I am very picky about what I do in fact if I did have to go back to a job. It wouldn’t be for status. 

In fact, I love washing dishes. I wouldn’t go back as a cook because it’s too much stress. I can’t handle stress, as much as I used to when I was younger. I’ve never really been able to handle stress, I freak out. 

I know when I was a cook in the restaurant, I used to fly around that kitchen, I couldn’t handle having more than three tickets up on the wheel, three orders at a time. I had to get them all cooked and pushed out. So people thought I was an amateur because I was moving around so fast. They thought I was nervous, but it was actually just my hyperactive sense of wanting completion. And you never get completion as a cook because there’s always new orders. 

So it’s just not a good business for me to be in. But I really like the Zen quality of washing dishes. I love seeing the plate get clean, I love playing with the water sprayer, and I can just get in the zone. The zone allows me to daydream, and I’m still a big dreamer today, but the money aspect of it is, you know, I want that gone because I hate being competitive. 

I’m so competitive when it comes to internet marketing. And when I see people get success way quicker than I do. I can’t handle it. Like last year, I signed up with this affiliate marketing program and I busted my butt for six months, and I was still only making like $50 a month. 

Then I see this girl who has only posted like 10 YouTube videos about this same program, and she’s making $15,000 a month, and I can’t handle it. I’m just like, fine, whatever I just won’t do affiliate marketing anymore. 

So there’s two sides of me, there’s the very competitive side where I want to climb the ladder, I want to drive the Lamborghini. I want to show off. I just wanted to be the king on the hill. Then the other part of me is like no you don’t need money. You need to just find God and be humble, like the monks, because I love monks. I love watching monastery documentaries. I love the simple life. And I love not having a lot of stress. 

So if I do have to go back to a job, it’s going to be just washing dishes, and probably under the table. I don’t even want to file taxes anymore. I don’t want any headaches. People say that that could be regression, that I’m regressing backwards because I don’t want to deal with people. 

But on the contrary, I do like people. I just don’t want the stress of, you know, climbing the ladder of, you know, cooking, or a white collar job or any of that. I’m almost 50. 

In fact, I’ve worked from home for the last six years. The last thing I want to do is put on a uniform and go back to work and get stuck in traffic and be stressed out all day for my job and dealing with co-workers. I’d rather just stay here and talk to you guys, so I’m getting very picky on what I do. 

And if I make any less money, then I’ll just, you know, I’ll lower my expenses. That’s what I’ve been doing for the last two years actually since 2018. I peaked in 2018. I made $80,000. Since then, you know, I’m down to like 10k to 15,000 a year now and I cut all my bills back so I don’t need to go get a job. 

But, you know, it can’t get any lower than that. Or I will have to go get a job so I’m going to do anything I can, but I have to follow my heart. You have to follow your heart guys you gotta do what you love. That’s the bottom line. And I don’t like working for other people. I want to be an artist still. I want to be a writer, and blogging and these videos are great. I can just talk and, you know, someday YouTube might pay me. Who knows, but that would be great if you know passive income from YouTube. I Can’t Hold a Job with Autism.

Couple others you know affiliate marketing offers. I still make a little bit of money from the network marketing. And I’m getting by. But don’t knock yourself out, you know, people have like two or three jobs in the city and they can barely pay their rent. I would rather move out of the city to some Midwest farm that’s only like $400 a month and do that then, you know, stay stuck in the rat race. 

I mean the cities are just crazy right now and I don’t want to be around. All that commotion. I would rather head towards being more of like a farmer than a city slicker. 

But I tell you I saw a Lamborghini today on the road and both my fiance and I, our jaws dropped, and I literally got goosebumps. I was so excited to see that Lamborghini because there’s something inside of me that still craves power. That little greedy 12 year old boy is still inside of me I’m still like but I’m glad I don’t get money. I’m glad I don’t get a lot of money because I think I would go pretty nuts with it. And if I got money in my 20s I’d be dead right now, because I was an addict. You know, I would have gotten so much booze with it. 

Now, I don’t know, I would probably just save it, or buy gold and silver, and just sit on it. So I hope, I hope you got something from this video. I’m really glad that you know I’m at a point in my life I want to give back, like if I died tomorrow. And you saw this video and you got something out of it, I’d be happy. I would definitely be happy if you guys were like, this is a really good message Eric Thank you. Or I found God because of you or I stopped stemming because of you or I stopped drinking because of your videos. 

That would really mean a lot because I was a very selfish drunk. I heard a lot of people when I was drinking. And the only thing I can do now is give back. But there is that side of me that’s very greedy and I want power. I want to make a million dollars a year, and drive the Lamborghini, but it’s just, I think it’s just to fill a hole inside of my heart. 

That’s what most people want is they want to fill that void in their heart they want to feel safe, they want to feel loved, and you don’t have to do that with material things, because it can really turn against you and you’ll never be happy, because if you make a million, next year you’re gonna want to make 2 million.

And then next year you’re gonna want to make 5 million. And they say that the happy medium for the income that makes everyone pretty much happy, before it flattens out is 67,000 a year. And I’d be pretty frickin happy with that right now. So love you guys hit that subscribe button share this around. Thanks for reading Can’t Hold a Job with Autism And we’ll talk to you soon. 

Here’s more Resources for Asperger’s and Addiction.