Do you have adult autism and you find yourself overeating? Are you a little too eager waiting for meals and snacks?
As an adult with autism I struggle with addiction. Right now, food is becoming an addiction. Here’s my take on autism addictions and food addiction.
I learned as a little boy to soothe myself by rocking back and forth. As I got older, I added listening to loud music, drinking coffee and alcohol, smoking cigarettes, masturbation and more.
I didn’t like sitting still and rocked back and forth more and more as I got older. At one point, my life consisted of going from one vice to another just to keep anxiety at bay. Eventually, the addictions turned against me and created more anxiety and angst.
Autism Addictions now with Food
Dealing with Autism is hard. Dealing with autism and addiction is almost impossible. I have been addicted to some addictions for 30 years, and stopping on a dime is not happening.
Lately, I have been eating junk food and watching my weight go through the roof. My girlfriend and I moved back to Texas seven months ago, and we thought it would be like a mini vacation where we could splurge, watch TV, and eat whatever we wanted.
Now, after trying to diet for three months, I have only lost 10 pounds in seven months and can’t stop eating crap food. I guess you can say I’ve been humbled by my powerlessness and for judging obese people in my 20’s.
I’m almost 50 and I’m losing self esteem as I lose the muscles in my legs from sitting around too much.
I’m also back to rocking ten to twelve hours a day. My self-esteem is lower than ever and my apathy is higher than ever.
So, what is the point of being sober and eating the right foods?
Addictions grow the more you feed them. I’m living in a daze now and feel a lot older than I actually am. Climbing out of this hole will be hard but we all have a reason to live and actually thrive.
I am tired of running from myself, and food is just another escape for me. All my addictions are related to the fact that they are coping mechanisms for feeling empty, worthless, or unloved.
At the end of the day we all want to be loved. I know that many guys out there are working overtime to please their dads, because the dad’s didn’t give enough love to them growing up, same with girls pleasing dads or moms.
Most of the problems and evil of this world comes from lack of love. It’s a chain-reaction of hurt people hurting themselves and other people, and it spreads like a virus.
Look at the violence in poor neighborhoods. Not only are they dealing with their pain, they are trying to get out of the ghetto without getting killed. If any rapper gets a little closer to escaping poverty and their neighborhood, they get gunned down. It’s like crabs in a bucket pulling the crabs climbing up the bucket back down.
Autism Addictions Keep Us Down
Addictions in autism are chains holding us back from greatness. It’s a vicious cycle. I do great for a week, then I eat crap or masturbate, then the guilt and shame kick in and my self-esteem is knocked back down.
So, here is what we have to do. We have to accept relapse as part of recovery, and we have to embrace every new day as completely new with no link to the past. We must forgive ourselves so we can forgive others. We typically project our pain onto others instead of facing the pain head on.
It’s all okay, as long as you are 1% better than you were the day before. I relapsed hundreds of times when I was trying to quit alcohol. Then, one day it hit me, the realization of my life and the destruction of it, and I walked away from drinking forever.
Don’t wait too long to try and change your life. The bottomline is forgiving your mistakes and accepting others’ flaws. As an adult with autism I am very hypercritical of others because that’s what my dad did to me. Plus, “hurt people, hurt people.” If you don’t want to hurt anymore forgive yourself for your past and the rest will follow.
I explain it a lot better in today’s video. Please watch it and leave and comment and subscribe and God bless you. You are still here for a reason. Don’t leave now, even if it’s unbearable.
Here’s more Resources for Asperger’s and Addiction