I was watching autopsy last night on TV and they featured Kurt Cobain and then Scott Weiland came on after that. Both of these guys had troubled childhoods and they self medicated because they didn’t want to feel what they felt on the inside.
Autism and Addiction: Are You Running from Something?
They felt empty, even though they didn’t have autism and addiction. You know, they had trauma and when you have trauma, a piece of you is taken away. It’s almost like a piece of your soul is taken away. Then the rest of your life you’re trying to run from those feelings, those feelings.
I was thinking about that and I was like, you know, I am doing the same thing they are, but I’m not doing drugs or alcohol. I am rocking back and forth and I’m playing with myself.
Okay, and once in a while I’ve been cheating but either way, we’re all escaping. These are just coping mechanisms, and they should be treated like coping mechanisms.
Don’t be hard on yourself. If you are like me, I’m such an addict. You know, if you are addicted to sex or food or whatever it is, it doesn’t matter at the end of the day, the only thing it is is a coping mechanism, because you don’t feel adequate.
My dad used to talk down to me. My whole childhood was like a warzone. Because, you know, I’d go to school and the bullies picked on me, my own friends picked on me and the teachers picked on me.
There’s a couple of teachers that physically assaulted me, but this was in the 80s it wasn’t a big deal. You know, the teachers didn’t get in trouble and I didn’t tell anyone. It was just a fact of life. And then when I got home, my dad would pick on me.
So I was just like, screw everyone. You know, I was in fight or flight the whole time. And back then before I discovered alcohol, my only escape was rocking and listening to music.
Fortunately, my dad allowed me to listen to music and my headphones after dinner until bedtime, and that made me flunk out of school. You know, when I was 17, I had to make up like nine classes to graduate and I was just like, Screw it. I want to be a rock and roll drummer.
So I just dropped out of school. And then I turned to drugs and alcohol. I didn’t even become a rock and roll star. And eventually I did go back and get my high school diploma. And I handed it to my dad, you know, tears after the fact.
But you know, there was still a part of me inside that wanted to please them. I still want to please my dad. You know, and I’ll be 50. I think a lot of guys and women want to please their parents, you know one of them. And guys especially want to make their dads proud and there’s so many of these rock and roll stars that didn’t even have dads, you know, I mean, like horrendous childhoods.
I mean, Axl Rose was, you know, his dad was this tyrannical preacher guy, you know, that had made it a very strict household and Axl couldn’t cuss and couldn’t do this. can do that.
So when they get out on their own, they’re like wild men. You know, and then they discover drugs and sex and sex, drugs and rock and roll, you know, out of Hollywood and then you put money behind it. You can afford anything you want.
Of course, it is going to be a heyday. You know, and it is going to be a tornado. And I am glad I didn’t get famous because if I did graduate high school, my parents were going to send me to a music school in Hollywood. I would have been, I’d be on the strip right now. I would be dead on Sunset Strip prostituting myself because I am an addict.
Autism and Addiction Can Be Deadly
It doesn’t matter what I do. I go all the way and then I’m then I have all this guilt and shame. And so after I do something, and I shouldn’t do, I have guilt and shame, which is the number one weapon that Satan uses against us because God is love. God doesn’t use fear or anger or make you feel guilty. Alright, God is love , period.
It’s Satan’s weapons to make you feel guilty and shameful and condemned. And so if you relapse, just say hey, it’s, you know, I relapse all you know, I’ll pick up the pieces, you know, I’m going to start over every day from start over.
So that is autism and addiction in a nutshell, you know, and then the autism spectrum is a whole nother ball of wax. And, you know, I’ve been, I know I’ve been different from day one.
I didn’t know exactly what it was until I tested for autism and 2017 and that just put all the pieces together. And I was like, wow, okay, you know, and it kind of gave me a break. You know, trying to figure out why everyone is different from me.
I was like, my friends are successful, my nephews are successful. And I was like, it doesn’t matter, we all have gifts. And so my gift is sharing with you guys. We all have gifts, and those rock stars were amazing in their prime before drugs and alcohol took them down there. They are extremely gifted.
You know, Kurt Cobain’s only escape was music. When he was in that turbulent household with his alcoholic parents, he just turned to music. And he was hyperactive just like I was. I was very hyper.
And there are a lot of similarities where almost you know where a lot of like a lot of like most of us, so go easy on yourself. I love you, hit that subscribe button, leave a comment. You know, how do you feel about this? What’s going on in your life? Did you get into addictions, you know when you test that you had autism and so forth. And I will try to respond as soon as I can.
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